from the past...

Dear Mom,

Hi! So, I've been thinking... There's a lot of people up there in Heaven, right? Have you met your other grand baby? ... I know we never really told anyone about it but I just wanted to know. Please tell him/her Mommy says hi and i love him/her. He/She should be a little over 2 now! You can pick their name if you like... Remember when we found out I was pregnant and I was so afraid to tell you because I didn't want you to disown me? LOL. I remember Dad taking me to the doctor after work one day because I was having stomach pains and they told me I was 10 weeks pregnant! When I got home, I called Carrie and told her and she cried and told me to tell you ASAP! So then I called you on the phone from upstairs and told you to come up so I could tell you something and when you walked in I was crying my butt off and you looked at me and said "Morgan Nicole, are you pregnant?" HAH! Mom knows best! I told you to tell Dad and Uncle Brian and then I was too afraid to come downstairs and talk to them. Even though they both ended up happy and not mad at me or Nathan! .................. Then a couple weeks later, Carrie got me from work early because I started bleeding and we all went to the E.R. It was you, me, Nathan, dad, and Nathan's mom and we waited for 8 whole hours before they saw me. The doctors did an ultrasound and a bunch of tests and then told us that the baby didn't make it but it was very common.... Hell, I didn't even know what a miscarriage WAS until then! It was a little surreal and it still feels like a distant nightmare today. So I had to have surgery done a few days later and I ended up being 12 weeks pregnant then. I remember the morning of my surgery I stubbed my toe and knocked my toenail all the way off and broke my toe! I couldn't even walk in the hospital, haha! You, me, and Nathan all drove there in his car and got me all set up for surgery.... I have no idea how long I was in there but I remember I couldn't eat that entire morning and when I got out of surgery, you and Nathan smelt like coffee and cinnamon rolls. Hmm, wonder what you guys did?! But you both were there as soon as I woke up. You, Mom, helped me out of bed and helped me change my clothes while Nathan got the car and then we left. I was super drugged up and don't really remember much. As soon as we got home, you and dad helped me down the stairs and then you helped me while I threw up :( I was really sick after that... The point of telling the story is that YOU were there with me through the second most difficult time of my life. You helped me and supported me with every thing that happened, even though I'm sure you weren't the happiest at times. You left work for me when I needed help, you stayed up all night with me while I cried. You were always the shoulder I needed to lean on and you wiped my tears when they were falling......... So, if you ever get a chance, I don't know how you find people up there or what not, but tell my Baby I said hi, please. Give me some sign if it's a boy or a girl. I hope you guys have fun together and I hope you enjoy watching him/her grow up. I love you, Mommy.

Love, Kansas