Dear Mom,


Hi Mommy.. Sorry it's been a few days since I've wrote to you but I've been kind of mad. Everything is just catching up with me and I haven't really been in the mood to talk to anyone. This week went by pretty fast. I had my six week check up on Wednesday and everything is good! My midwives love Mya! They always tell me how good of a job I did and that makes me happy :) ... I went to the doctor today too because my ankle was still hurting and I have tendinitis and I have to wear this big huge, ugly, uncomfortable walking boot. It's a pain! But I guess as long as it helps me feel better.... I also gave in and I'm going to see a therapist next week. I feel like I failed myself and I'm not grieving the way I should be. I don't know, it's complicated. I've been so mad this past week and nothing is really helping make it better so hopefully this helps. I'll let you know how it goes. I get 12 sessions and medicine is my last resort, you know how I feel about that.......... This morning, I realized I'm almost out of K-Cups and pay day isn't until next Tuesday and I'm very sad! I've been drinking Coconut Mocha and it is de-lish! You would love it! It tastes just like the Starbucks frappuccino that I always get. Mya and Noah are doing well. Noah's been a butt today and hasn't listened since Nathan got home. It's like all of his good behavior went out the window! Mya went with me to the doctor today and she slept the whole time! She's such a good baby. She also slept 11 straight hours two nights ago and then 9 hours last night! But for some reason, I still can't sleep... That's one of the reasons I'm going to a therapist is because of my nightmares. They are just insane, I can't handle it anymore and I want them GONE, NOW. Carrie has been working all day so I haven't talked to her and Dad hasn't called me... I wait for his phone call because talking to him makes me miss you even more so we don't talk as often as we should and I don't want to tell him that because it will make him sad. Uncle Brian calls me a few times a week if I don't call him first and usually I'll talk to Dad afterwards. Mackenzie is getting so big! Uncle Brian sends me pictures all the time... She's almost FOUR! I can't believe it... and I also can't believe Noah is almost two. So ridiculous. OH, I watched Paula Deen make a peanut butter parfait earlier and O-M-G it looked so good! So I think I'm going to make them except with Nutella because we can't obviously can't have peanuts in the house. I don't know why but I'm just so irritable today and it's driving me crazy. I just want to feel good for once. I think I need more play dates for Noah and more girl chat for me. We don't get out much anymore because it's exhausting getting all 3 of us ready to go somewhere, but I need to get out at least a few times a week. And it's just been SO dang hot, you can't even walk out of the front door without breaking a sweat. Guess what? I won these Jamberry Nail Sheilds on facebook today. I remember telling you about them a few months back and you said you wanted to try them so I'll let you know how they go! I'm really excited. I think that was the highlight of my day. I was super happy that I won. Mom, I'm really sad that you're gone. This week has just sucked, seriously. Nothing bad has happened here but it's the way I feel. I'm NOT depressed, just frustrated. It's kind of annoying too because I can't really control it. Well, I'm really tired so I'm going to go lay down with Mya. I love you so much Mommy.

Love, Kansas